#lets just go broad
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Anyways……..Gwaine crashed in Ealdor soon after Merlin dipped. Destiny was trying to bring them together but missed by a hair. Will took him in and let him crash at his place. They ended up fucking (Will was trying to mend the heartbreak of his childhood best friend and sort of boyfriend leaving) (also the scraggly drunk is actually really hot) (and they both hate nobility with a passion). Gwaine left right before Ealdor started to get raided because he’s always on the move and never stays in one place for too long.
Uhhhh years later Merlin mentions his home village of Ealdor and Gwaine smiles and is like “Ah, a quaint but homey place. I visited there once. I was homed by a lovely man with a similar heart to mine. I wonder how Will is doing after all these years…” Merlin beats him with his shoe for sleeping with his friend. And also has to break the news that he died but this was supposed to be a funny post so lets ignore that potential for angst and focus on WHATEVER THE FUCK THEIR SHIP NAME IS
#why can’t will have a normal name#its so hard to make ship names for him#I don’t feel like searching it up#I’ll just guess#willwaine#LMFAO#no#uh#lets just go broad#gwaine x will#will x gwaine#william of ealdor#wait#gwilliam#gwill#BAHAHAHHDJSHSJS#god its so bad#bbc merlin#merlin emrys#sir gwaine#fanfiction#fanfic#fic ideas#prompts#head canon#hc#headcanon
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npcs somewhere in the capital, circa 1920
Andrey is an owner of an edgy underground club and architecture is his hobby whereas Peter is an artist the Kains commission frequently and alcohol is his hobby.
#let me set some context#maria introduces daniil to the stamatins#daniil knows of andrey we're keeping them knowing each other from uni in this au and daniil's got a bit of a crush#i am also inspired by peter's too-forward a first line to daniil in game where it goes like#'i see the reflection of my epiphanies in your eyes' and daniil turns into an instant muse for peter the moment they meet#maria is all too pleased by it and peter keeps daniil around for peter's inspiration#my art#fanart#pathologic#pathologic classic hd#andrey stamatin#peter stamatin#maria kaina#daniil dankovsky#you'd think daniil's into the artsy types but no#unfortunately it had to be the broad‚ quick-witted‚ self-sacrificing ones#edit: i was thinking of forgoing using speakeasy for what andrey's got going on but it's not really a usamerican thing it's just a word#a word used to call 'don't speak about this in public' sort of establishment
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The shape of love, Wolfstar.
By likeafunerall, and reposted with permission.
#Remus seems he really cannot live a single second without touching Sirius#like look at his leg in the first one 😭 And the expression on his face just?#From there to the second the third and the last one in every piece of the art he’s holding Sirius#by the wrist and by the waist#Remus is never letting her go#gosh#Remus Lupin’s big hands covering the small of Sirius’s back#good God#Sirius Black in tiny shorts#Remus’s broad shoulders#he’s so handsome in the shower one.#wolfstar#remus lupin#sirius black#rlsb#r/s#remus/sirius#remus x sirius#harry potter fanart#likeafunerall#live laf love 🤍
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it is all chaos and entropy. the thing is that the chaos and entropy make it beautiful and lovely.
yes, it's true that nature and the universe are uncaring and unspecific, and that is terrifying. i have lived through some of the unfairness - i got born like this, with my body caving into itself, with this ironic love of dance when i sometimes can't stand up for longer than 15 minutes. i am a poet with hands that are slowly shutting down - i can't hold a pen some days. recently i found a dead bird on our front porch. she had no visible injuries. she had just died, the way things die sometimes.
it is also true that nature and the universe are uncaring and unspecific, and that is wonderful. the sheer happenstance that makes rain turn into a rainbow. the impossible coincidence of finding your best friend. i have made so many mistakes and i have let myself down and i have harmed other people by accident. nature moves anyway. on the worst day of my life she delivers me an orange juice sunset, as if she is saying try again tomorrow.
how vast and unknowing the universe! how small we are! isn't that lovely. the universe has given us flowers and harp strings and the shape of clouds. how massive our lives are in comparison to a grasshopper. the world so bright, still undiscovered. even after 30 years of being on this earth, i learned about a new type of animal today: the dhole.
chance echoing in my life like a harmony between two people talking. do you think you and i, living in different worlds but connected through the internet - do you think we've ever seen the same butterfly? they migrate thousands of miles. it's possible, right?
how beautiful the ways we fill the vastness of space. i love that when large amounts of people are applauding in a room, they all start clapping at the same time. i love that the ocean reminds us of our mother's heartbeat. i love that out of all the colors, chlorophyll chose green. i love the coincidences. i love the places where science says i don't know, but it just happens.
"the universe doesn't care about you!" oh, i know. that's okay. i care about the universe. i will put my big stupid heart out into it and watch the universe feast on it. it is not painful. it is strange - the more love you pour into the unfeeling world, the more it feels the world loves you in return. i know it's confirmation bias. i think i'm okay if my proof of kindness is just my own body and my own spirit.
i buried the bird from our porch deep in the woods. that same day, an old friend reaches out to me and says i miss you. wherever you go, no matter how bad it gets - you try to do good.
#writeblr#warm up#i can't write rn but i have SO much words in here bc im reading the chorus of dragons books#(just started book 4)#and this woman's writing is just LIVING in my brain. let me out!!!#(i read roughly like 2-4 books a week usually bc i go on long walks with my dog but when a book is REALLY good like. it eats my life. )#anyway ...... so like here's a story that idk i've tried to explain to other people as being wild#but maybe im the only one who thinks it is wild???#so i play pokemon go (i just started in jan) bc i love pokemon and as i have mentioned i walk goblin for like an hour in the morning#and i don't like a lot of fitness trackers due to the fact it makes me .sad. but i also wanted the little digital rewards. enter pokemon go#anyway so they make you make friends to complete quests. so i used a reddit thread. i do not usually use reddit. i don't have an acct#i lurked. i just googled like ''pokemon go reddit '' and randomly added a bunch of numbers#i was on that page for all of 15 minutes. there are THOUSANDS of responses on that page.#here's what's wild: in that group of people. even though i am not on reddit and it was one random event once#it turns out one of those people lives in the town i live in. or at least very close. i only know this because#when we send each other gifts. it's from the same freaking area.#i can't ask them to meet up bc pokemon go doesn't have a messaging app lol but like . what are the fucking chances that#a random person posts in a random reddit thread and HAPPENS to get added by someone ELSE from their SAME TOWN#who by pure fucking CHANCE is ALSO playing pokemon go and looking for friends#i googled it there's only 42000 people in my broad region. the .......... smallness ! of the world!!!
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For you. And Harding. And everyone we've lost.
*sob sob sob sob sob* it's fine I'm fine I just have to I just need a moment and then I'll be -- *sob sob sob sob sob sob sob sob*
rye 'I want varric back you son of a bitch' ingellvar showing up to the narrative stricken to the core with grief and digging two graves. one for the dread wolf. and another one also for the dread wolf because by the time rye is done with him that fucker is hopefully going to be in several pieces. lucanis hold my shovel for a moment would you I need to commit some acts of grim violence and deep poetic irony (*supportive lucanis voice as rook grabs the fake dagger* go get him rook I've got your shovel). solas I'm sorry I love you but if you were going to pull that shit you probably should have done it to someone a little less like, well. you
#do you think solas started to notice the parallels between him and rye. and didn't quite read ahead to the stuff *he* did after mythal died#who are you that did not know your history even though you lived it my love. I hear it sometimes rhymes#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#varric tethras#oc: Ellaryen Ingellvar#can't deal with how big varric's hand is against rye's elbow btw. if rye ever tried to wear varric's duster#it'd be the length of a normal jacket bordering on crop top territory but it'd still be broad enough in the shoulders#that he'd look like a boy wearing his father's clothes. don't look at me I cannot be perceived in this moment#*devastated you're my dad boogie woogie woogie noises in the background*#listening to all the versions of 'time to go' from stray gods in the background rn. 'I gave everything to watch you go/I know.#but it's time to go'.....#when I do my rose playthrough it's going to be so interesting b/c I think she more consciously recognizes herself in solas#(specifically in his relationship to mythal and hers to viago. or at least what she really would want it to be#please please PLEASE let me be your most loyal knight and attack dog I would be so good at it. I know we kill people for money#but that's just like. business I want to give my whole soul to someone. what do you mean no and also eat my vegetables)
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guess my brain rot is really rotting today because all I can think about is how if I'm not kneeling over him in this position covering every inch of his chest in kisses life is not even worth living
BONUS (featuring the top of his shoulder / neck where my face belongs at all times)
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#i've been staring at these photos for a thousand years now#stars careened overhead empires fell decades have passed in a blur#and all the while i sat drooling over this photo set#photos should not make me so desperately feral but here we are#i can't live without him i need him like i need oxygen#look at his chest!!! can you BELIEVE#he is so BROAD i swear#he is so vulnerable here unlike any other scene in the movie#delirious exhausted in shock and injured#i should be there!!! i should be there to tenderly caress his wounds and let him fall asleep with his head in my lap#LET ME TAKE AWAY HIS PAIN#if you look closely you can see me in the frame cuddled up with my head on his shoulder just as it should be#this is my view in bed after hours of wearing him out with all the passion i have for him#GDHFHKDSJH open shirt is driving me INSANE#he has NO RIGHT to look so good while he's laying there suffering#it's morally conflicting for me but what am i supposed to do??? NOT lust over him while he's laying on his back with his shirt open???#I CAN'T HELP IT#constantly thinking about this constantly begging for a chance to hold him tight and never let him go#gladiator#maximus#maximus decimus meridius#gladiator 2000#russell crowe
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i feel like. theres designing a character with certain themes and motifs in mind, and then theres making a gijinka for the water bottle on my nightstand
#me when im the only person on the bus wearing a mask: i should make a furry plaguesona#its hard to explain bc. most of the time i try NOT to give my characters a 'strong' theme like making their whole design around#one thing like apples or even broad stuff like baking or cottagecore.. idk if its partly for flexibility or because i cant imagine them#making it their whole personality. not bc i find it cringe or overblown but more like ive learned to associate design with character depth#i had a cutesy uwu persona for most of highschool because i thought it would make me more. likeable? easy to remember? since#memorable character designs are easy to recognize. and one way of doing that is simplifying it with a theme or symbol so you form an#association. but since im a real person its exhausting keeping up that appearance all the time and denying myself things when they dont#fit my 'aesthetic' or 'theme.' i think ive grown past that bc i just collect stuff because i think it looks cool and dont let myself dwell#on how it might 'fit' with my image. but i cant help feeling bad doing it to my own characters bc it feels like im making them too one#dimensional. despite knowing that theyre not real and design alone doesnt reflect depth i cant help feeling like its wrong#despite that i love seeing motifs because it feels like it reflects the characters soul and paradoxically gives them depth. it makes them#interesting to look at too and honestly its pretty fun combining things that fall under a similar category when designing#i struggle find a balance between those two things#actually this reminds me of noelles christmas theme.. i dont remember her saying anything abt liking christmas despite a lot of#her design and character tying back to it. it makes me wonder if she would have feelings about that or doesnt think abt it too hard#or if its like a matching family shirts situation and shes just going along with it??#maybe i should just do whatever i want with my character designs since theyre not real and im thinking abt it too hard#although. this probably has something to do with deep seated identity issues huh#yapping#oc talk#oc
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Theres nothing more i love to read than Tommy’s first crush being Sal to the point he would do anything for an ounce of his attention that slowly broke his heart but he was desperate to feel any love and would put up with Sal being an asshole and never reciprocating his feelings. Like mmm thats the good shit. (Im totally not projecting lols)
I love that its not just Evan thats learning to be loved and wanted, its Tommy too i just love that vulnerability *chefs kiss*
more hc in the tags
#just thinking about after Gerard left and tommy did some digging#he finally realized OH#it wasnt just looking up to sal#it was a crush too#i can see him doing EVERYTHING to get some form of acknowledgment#maybe they go out drinking and Tommy lets himself lie to himself and pretend its something more than ‘bestfriends going out for a drink’#tommy in some seedy bar kissing a broad guy with short hair that he can pretend is sal#going to work the next day and pretending he didnt call his one night stand sal#catching glimpses in the changing room#chimney has a suspicion but keeps his mouth shut#hen just looks at him sadly#and sal barely looks at him at all#tommy feeling sad that sal left for good but at one of their meet ups sal goes on a rant being homophobic and all#and tommys heart shatters because it finally hits him. he’ll never have a chance#sry tommy just makes me insane and i cant stop thinking about how his first crush could have been sal#tommy kinard#sal deluca#evan buckley#bucktommy#kinley#911 abc#911 show
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One day you will reach a point where someone will misgender you and instead of feeling the jab of disappointment or fear or mockery, you will only feel confusion or bewilderment or even just...nothing, whether you correct them or not. And you will realize how far you've come, and how resilient you've grown, how much comfortable you are in your own skin.
#spitblaze says things#i complain too much about transgender stuff. lets get some positivity going#anyway yadda yadda usual disclaimer. i cannot speak to everyones experiences or lives. im not psychic i dont know ur circumstances#i just know that reaching the point of some terf misgendering you to get a rise out of you will one day be less dehumanizing#and more like. annoying or pathetic#yeah thats great i will never be a man uh huh sure. u got any better material i dont have all day#or like someone will just...casually misgender you. you will be in the street and someone will 'sir' or 'maam' you wrong#and instead of stressing about what made them clock you you'll just be like 'what'#and if ur still in thr place where ur not sure if you will EVER be in a spot where itll be either chill or confusing#remember. cis people get misgendered too#men with long hair will get ma'amed. women with broad shoulders will get sir'd.#there are individual pieces of clothing that will make people gender you a certain way and you will not know why#ultimately there are a million things that could cause someone to clock you or anyone else incorrectly and its 1000000% subjective
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Give Mae a purple lightsaber…and, no, not just for aesthetic purposes.
#feel free to tell me if I’m tripping (but don’t be a jackass about it I’m actually super in love w/ this idea)#it fits okay#she’s going her own way…not quite in the dark but not in the light either#she's toeing the line (channeling upon the darkness but not allowing it to consume her)#she deserves the world#AND a purple lightsaber#mae aniseya#jedi!mae#except not really but yk#mae ho aniseya#star wars: the acolyte#and let it look like a broad sword (a callback to the chain mail in her armor & the warriors of her ‘coven’/Koril)#maybe— I’m still not opposed to her having a regular saber but just duel wielding shoto blades#she fights utilizing juyo techniques too#the acolyte#juyo#thoughts#+w#sage speaks
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Also related to Our Worlds at War, something something there is some sort of commemorative [x] Years After The War ceremony or something.
It's a big public thing, all sort of heroes who participated are getting recognized, but someone decided they shouldn't ignore YJ's contributions because while they were not actively fighting, they were still drafted to be on the front as medical auxiliaries.
Tim is not going to publicly go, because secret identities and way too many cameras and live feeds aimed at the thing, and Bart is not going to go either, because trauma and bad memories, he's just going to glue himself to Tim and they are gonna play games and pointedly Not Watch The Ceremony.
The other members of YJ (the ones who decided to go / could afford to go) accept the [insert something they are being presented with to honor their contribution] on behalf of Robin and Impulse as well, with testimonial being played from heroes about being extracted from the battlefield by YJ, interspersed with clips from the behind the lines that managed to get glimpses of the kids at work.
#plotbunnies released in the wild#bonus points for this being a shock to Jason system because he didn't even know Our Worlds At War was something that happened#bonus points for this being a shock to Damian's system because he might have known in broad strokes about Our Worlds At War happening#(If he was not shielded from it while being homeschooled by his mother) but he did not know that YJ had been drafted as well#dc comics#my plotbunny#since I was thinking about this anyway#all the brownie points if this prods Jason into actually going to look into things that happened while Tim was Robin#I feel that Jason screams about his trauma all the time but he actually doesn't know about Tim's trauma at all#and Tim has oodles of canon trauma without ever going into the fanon stuff#OODLES#even before the Year From Hell and that shift to red as Robin to honour Kon#(every time I see the red uniform for Tim-as-Robin I am like OOH WE ARE IN THE 16/17 AGE PERIOD FROM HELL)#(It's such a powerful visual shorthand for me to let me know what time we're in and just how fucked everything is)#tim drake#young justice 1998
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he ! is ! so ! broad !
#i’m going to suck the soul out of him#god mick please just once#let me give you the best star seeing head of your entire life <3#mick schumacher#BROAD SHOULDERS BROAD NECK#he has the whole package#broad shoulders drive me absolutely fucking INSANE
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ya know what, I’m actually healing from stuff that used to upset me and able to think about certain things without feeling inconsolable or like Despair which makes me happy like I do think I’m growing somewhat
#deity dialogue#I’m never going to win the idgaf war but like#I’m getting better about not letting things I can’t control or fix hurt me you know?#things that happened a year or longer ago don’t hurt as much anymore like#I can’t say it doesn’t still hurt but like it hurts less!#I’m still a huge cry baby unfortunately but like I don’t want to let things hurt me as easily#idk I’m just blabbing I’m just glad to not be as negatively affected by things that have since happened to me#idk if I’m making much sense#I’m being vague on purpose just cause it’s not really worth delving into abdbfjtj plus so much shit has happened to me this covers like a#broad range of things that used to hurt me and have such a big negative impact on me that has been lessening over the years!
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remember how a few years ago gender neutral bathrooms were all the rage and everyone was advocating for them but then people realised it would include trans people too so they did a 180° and went back to "bathrooms must be protected and used as safe spaces for women at all costs <3 🥺".
sod off. say you're transphobic and sod the fuck off.
#tw sex abuse#transphobia#tw sex assault#but i was openly assaulted in the school's girl bathroom by a classmate#he feeely walked in and harrased me MULTIPLE TIMES#if you think a sign is ever going stop assault from happening you're fucking stupid#men dont NEED an excuse or permission to assault women they just do it and society fucking lets them#rape/sex assault is a social issue first n foremost & as long as we continue to support and perpetuate rape culture it's going to exist#no trans person is going to assault you they just want to piss sharon#no rapist is going to cross dress in order to disguise themselves#not when assaults already happen in broad daylight in front of people and no one bats an eye#all your transphobia does is hurt trans people and whoever doesn't fit your fucked up image of what “man” and “women” are#stop pretending its about protecting women when you dont actually give a fuck about them
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I feel like certain people on Tumblr have really been fighting for backwards progress when it comes to how we talk about mental illness and abuse. I see posts at least several times a week on my dash that seem to have the purpose of implying people with insert-mental-illness and/or insert-symptom are not abusive when they do insert-action-that-makes-people-uncomfortable, often times meaning to promote a more positive image of people with particularly stigmatized conditions, like personality disorders, mood disorders, psychosis, addiction, or neurodivergence. And I really really hate it because these posts almost always have the ultimate purpose of telling people not just "This thing is not inherently abusive," but often it comes across as "You were not abused."
I just find that to be really unhelpful and unintentionally hurtful, and for what? I believe that destigmatizing various mental conditions is a worthy cause, but at the same time this type of rhetoric seems to be so protective of people in whichever stigmatized group they're trying to advocate for, that it comes back around to a sort of respectability politics. Anybody can be an abuser. And someone's means and methods of abusing can very much be influenced by a condition they have. Why wouldn't it be? Their conditions will affect every aspect of their life and their interpersonal relationships. Especially if these issues are going untreated or being insufficiently managed. I don't understand why anyone would want to make it appear as if abusers are mostly neurotypical and mentally well people, or that if they aren't, then their conditions have nothing to do with it and the overlap is merely incidental. What? It makes it so hard for anyone who is a victim to come to terms and identify the dynamics of what they've gone through.
Addicts and mentally ill people don't have to be unproblematic in order to be humanized and accepted. And nobody profits from writing hard and fast rules about how abuse apparently works, drawing clear lines between which behaviors can, and cannot, ever be abuse.
#tales from diana#making unrebloggable bc i can't handle the discourse on this topic#my own experience with being abused and taken advantage of by someone who almost CERTAINLY had npd... just kinda breaks me#when i see this and it's like making it out to be 'everyone who says they suffered from narcissistic abuse is lying#or misunderstanding what narcissism is because ppl w npd would NEVER do this'#i can see that it's a highly stigmatized term and i don't want to act like an expert on what ppl w the condition go through#but i can tell you i felt deep sympathy for this man for a long time. i felt pity for all he'd gone through. but he'd just lay on the guilt#for every little thing i did that ever displeased him for any reason. he just degraded and disrespected me. and USED me#he used me for money for attention for CONSTANT attention oh my god#he wouldn't even let me go to sleep sometimes before 3 am. and he stole so much money from me#he put me in physical danger. he gossiped about me to all my friends when i was starting to distance myself#before i even came to terms with just how toxic he was to me.#and every time i just wanted to go somewhere wo him or even just stay at home by myself#it was about HIM. it was about how HE felt about it. he had ZERO sympathy for me and i handled all his emotional labor#this man couldn't even think for himself. he brought all his problems to me for me to sort through bc he was so inept and shallow#he was lazy he was careless he didn't listen to ppl he was casually rude#i didn't allow myself to accept these parts of him bc of all he suffered through i felt like he was just a sad little boy#who never learned manners or etiquette or. just. respect#basic respect. as much as i outlined what i wasn't ok w and what hurt me. it didn't matter to him#and NONE of these things are inherently the things that make me think he has npd#his actual suffering and the things i felt bad for him about were very real and severe#but i know what happened between us and i know he was abusive to me. the ppl writing these posts do not.#to say that someone has been abusive in an interpersonal relationship should be something we should be able to respect#and give ppl the benefit of the doubt. and victims may OFTEN not be well-informed about their own abusers' issues#but ppl can just know whether or not they were abused. regardless of if they fully grasp the why and how#if victims say something problematic or paint w a broad brush talking abt ppl who have something in common w their abuser#we should still correct that gently and kindly and not dismiss their experience outright#like i can't believe i have to say that. but i've seen some seriously upsetting posts on here recently.
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I've gotten two letters from my mom since my aunt died last month and they've both been just. So, so aggressively manipulative. Y'all can skip this post. I'm not looking for sympathy likes/replies. I just need a good rant and sometimes it does pay to yell into the Tumblr void.
Still—still!—she insists I have never told her why I refuse to speak to her anymore. She has the receipts on this, going all the way back over a decade ago to my early 20s when I conceded to communicate to her solely through e-mails. That avenue of communication ended with me blocking her pretty much everywhere online after she called me a sociopathic bitch on a public platform family, friends, and coworkers followed me on. Very cool of her, very mature.
(If memory serves she was arrested shortly thereafter. Pity it wasn't for something more serious than, jeez, I can't be assed to remember. Something to do with her driver's license? I know she asked me for a couple grand about it and cussed me out when I told her my baby Airman ass literally did not have the money even if I were inclined to help her.)
Every single letter she sends me includes a brief tangent about how she's been watching YouTube videos about estranged families (both sides! she always includes the both sides!). She always says she wants to understand but she can't because I've never told her why I refuse to talk to her anymore.
How many phonecalls, how many HOURS, have I wasted crying in rage and despair as I try to tell her all the ways she hurt me, physically and emotionally and mentally, before I realized she'd never accept it? That she would always, always try to gaslight me like this? That she'd give me that guileless, wide-eyed and furrowed brow anxious stare and that high, plaintive goddamn voice. That she'd convince me time and time and time and time again that maybe, maybe I'm overreacting?
This most recent letter was a real treat. She went out of her way to say she wasn't trying to guilt trip me, really, but she's JUST lost both her sisters AND her parents in the last year and she's terrified she might die soon next so WHY won't her ONLY DAUGHTER just TALK to her? 😭
So, firstly. I can only speak for myself and my interpretations of what my extended family will feel, but I'm pretty goddamn sure we're all gonna CHEER when she finally fucking kicks the bucket. Ain't nobody gonna miss her when she croaks. Even if her sisters outlived her that'd be the same. My only complaint when she does die is that I'm gonna insist on paying for all of the funerary expenses because she's already leeched too goddamn much from the rest of the family. No way is anyone gonna pay for her bullshit one last time, even if that means paying folks back with interest after I fly back to California. And you can be sure I'm gonna go out of my way to take the cheapest route possible at every opportunity out of spite. This woman doesn't deserve better than the bare minimum. That's all she's ever given everyone else after all.
Secondly, I will concede the fact that yes, she's lost both her sisters in the last year, not even a full year apart from each other. And that sucks! It's extremely fucking sad! My aunts raised me as much as she did, and they both sure as hell paid for more of my childhood needs than she ever did. I was able to afford to go to my younger aunt's funeral last year, but even with the surprise disability backpay I got this year I've been dealing with a lot of owning-a-100+-year-old house expenses (such as replacing the entire goddamn original roof) this year, so I genuinely couldn't make the trip for my older aunt's funeral. Two family members offered to pay for my flight and I just couldn't accept that kindness because I grew up watching my mom take and take and take and take from the family.
THIRDLY HOWEVER.
Her mom, my maternal grandma, died TWENTY YEARS AGO. Her dad, my maternal grandpa, died THIRTY YEARS AGO. And she hated her parents! She fucking loathed them! I spent more of my childhood being her psychologist instead of her goddamn child; ALL I HEARD ABOUT was how much she hated and resented her parents. This is THE first time I've heard her trot them out since I lived with her back in the 00s, and it might damn well be the first halfway-positive mention of them since long before that? This is so transparent an act I can't help but be insulted that she'd think I'd take the bait? Using the LITERAL DEATHS of others to try to goad me into talking to her?
Like. Jesus. Last year at my younger aunt's funeral just about every single member of the California-centric family pulled me aside to ask if my mom was being too much. My aunt's CHILDREN, damn near non-functional with grief, asked if I needed help handling my mom. And there were a couple occasions where I damn near admitted yeah! She's being too much! She won't stop fucking touching me! She won't stop making her sister's death about herself! And here she is, a year later, doing the same goddamn thing again with her other sister's death!
She's a manipulative, gaslighting abuser who refuses to grow up and accept responsibility and/or repercussions for her actions despite being in her late-60s. She gleefully twists the knife into whoever she can get her hands on and acts SO distraught and SO betrayed when people find fault with her actions and behavior. I don't know a single person who knows her to like her anymore once she's shown her true colors, and somehow she's still convinced she isn't the problem.
What a waste. What a fucking waste.
#toxic relationships#days before i went to basic training she told me she was either going to become a nun or kill herself#because she didn't know how to live without me#that was not remotely the first time she threatened suicide to keep me in line#nor the last#sorry. sorry. this rant got bigger than i expected.#anger has been percolating#i try to let go of parent-bullshit as much as possible as a direct middle finger to how i was raised#but sometimes i just gotta lay it all out and gesture violently at it all#i'm not crazy! she's awful! she's really awful! fuck this person right out of my life! die faster please!#cousin if you see this post i'm doubly not looking for sympathy from you.#i'm ranting and petty and speaking in broad terms because i almost always speak in broad terms when ranting about shit on this site
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